Don'thatemcuzmybrainhasnowords

Wow. I’m really leaving this post to the very last minute as it is due today... I've probably told y'all before, but I am the queen of procrastinating, like if there was a job thats sole description was procrastinating, I'd be employee of the month or maybe a freelance for something but whatever, what I'm trying to say is that I can procrastinate like no other.

But I don't wanna talk about how good I am at procrastinating, thats boring...

I'm gonna talk about some people...

Now a few of my friends have recently written posts about my... group of friends (thats what were gonna call them because the real name isn't necessary right now) and I think I'm gonna do something like that too, but I'm gonna talk a little more about how my friends made me realize a few things about awkwardness. 

"the worst possible situation ever" 

So I call myself an awkward person, because I kind of am. But I'm not like socially awkward or shy exactly, I don't get the urge to run away and hide from social situations, I usually love talking to people and hearing what they have to say (if I don't hate them or anything and they aren't boring me).  But what happens is that I would go to a party or something and I'm talking to people I've never met before, my brain just kinda goes "shit, theres people around and I legit don't know what to say" so I end up standing there with my mouth glued shut for the next who knows how long and these people will end up thinking that I don't like them. This is what I call "the absolute worse situation ever". I try my best to avoid this situation but it still happens. I don't even know if this issue can be classified as being awkward but thats what I'm calling it for lack of a better word. Maybe I'll make up a name or something.  

But I've realized that the absolute worst only happens when I'm around people I don't know very well.  Heres my definition of friends: people you can be around with and be able to say whatever you want. When I'm around my friends I never shut up. Like I'm loud, I rant and, sometimes I'm a bit obnoxious. I never not know what today. I can just talk and I love talking. Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) half the things I say don't make any sense but I don't give a shit. And the best part is that I feel absolutely no pressure to actually talk. The other thing that makes for the "absolute worse possible situation ever" is that I feel like I absolutely have to say something otherwise these people will forget about me. Which honestly, is kinda true. If I truly say nothing the whole time then the people I'm "talking" to will probably have no idea I was even there in the first place. But when I'm with my friends we have these moments where no one is saying anything. A conversation will end and the only noise we'll hear is the music in the back ground and maybe someone singing along. When this happens, no one feels uncomfortable and I don't feel like I have to fill the silence with something not really worth saying. When we want to talk, we talk. And we do it because we have something to say, not just to fill the void. And when we don't want to talk we don't. And thats okay.

When I'm with my friends I'm not really awkward anymore. Or at least I can avoid "the absolute worst possible situation ever". And as long as I can do that, I'm ok with being a little awkward, theres nothing wrong with that...

Back to a post I wrote a while ago about choosing how to feel in a situation totally applies to this, believe it or not I actually really like making friends now a days. That whole "absolute worst situation ever" thing doesn't happen to me that often anymore, for the most part, I can deal. 

Also, awkward has many different meanings, and it really isn't the right word for what I'm trying to describe here. I think I am gonna make up a word..."Don'thatemecuzmybrainhasnowords" (don't-hate-me-cuz-my-brain-has-no-words) there... I don't care if thats just a bunch of real word smashed together, it gets the point across...kind of...

See ya! 

Olivia